4:44 a.m.

Over the past few years I've experienced deep/cellular releases; not often - maybe 3-4 times.  I am in meditation usually and my whole body will begin to shake/jerk with a 'mind' of it's own.  The first time it happened - though I allowed it - it scared me.  I've always known "This is a good thing". 

Today I was awakened by the phone ringing at 4:44.  I let it go to voice mail thinking it's a wrong number but then thought something could have happened; got up and listened to the message from my son.  He has had some issues with me for the past few years which I have not been able to resolve.  I saw he and his family in October and the energy for sucked.  I made a decision that I had done all I could do and would not allow my self to be mistreated any longer.  I disconnected my energy after much soul searching.  No more phone calls and letters to him that would not be returned and/or acknowledged.  No more sleepless nights worrying.  Done, finis, no mas. 

His phone call was tearful and heart broken asking for and wanting his Best Friend back. Understand: he is a 'tough guy' if you don't know him as I, his mother, does.  I sat with it and then returned his call.  I let him talk.  It went from I'm sorry to blaming and anger very quickly and I listened until it became truly abusive and then I hung up.  A few minutes later, he called back calmer and I listened until once again I had to hang up on him.  This happened twice more until finally he was worn out and just wanted it to stop and for us to be ok.  "I just want to 'squash' all this".  I said No, no squashing allowed in my world.  Say whatever you need to say.  I can take it and if it becomes too mean, I'll hang up and give you a minute but no squashing allowed. 

In the end, I'm sorry's, etc., all that remains is I love you.   

I sat with my heart open and my feet planted and began to shake.  The energy was primarily focused in the lower chakras and traveled down my legs and out the bottoms of my feet.  I don't know how long this lasted before the energy moved up to the heart center as if it too decided to join the party and then came deep tears.  Energy is moving like crazy and the release is happening at a deep cellular level.  The shaking; internal/external, continued throughout.  It came to me that I was the conduit for releasing the pain and misunderstanding of all the mothers and their children throughout the whole of eternity.  I know that sounds dramatic but I have no other way to say it.  When the shaking stopped, in came the light - Golden Light from above. 

Two hours later I am drained.  I AM Peace.  And I think to my Self "THIS is the work, and all that remains is I love you". 

Happy 2011 - Anticipation!

Stories of perspective.  There are as many ways of seeing things as there are Individuals on the planet.  Acceptance and allowance of that freedom.  Under those conditions Respect flourishes. And perspectives soften.   Jesus’’

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NwP3wes4M8&NR=1

Insight from the Heart

The last few months have been intense to say the least. Enough said.

When I was a child I cried very easily. I was told to go to my room or stop crying. You get the idea. This went on throughout my teenage years and when I married, my husband would tell me the same thing (well, not go to your room!). I once told him "When I stop crying that is when you'd better start worrying because I won't care any more." I did stop crying. We divorced in 1980. I grew to be very proud of my ability to NOT cry. After all, I'm not a 'cry baby'.

When this whole process started, it started with uncontrollable crying. I didn't know where it was coming from (the 'why' of it) and I could not stop it. Needless to say, an extremely confusing time. Lately, that is where I am again. This time of crying comes with deep insights. When I say 'deep' I mean deep as on all levels. The heart opens and aligns with the throat. I find my self habitually trying to stop or slow it down. Some days my heart begins crying (opening) as soon as I wake up. There's no stopping it.

Today I had these memories of my childhood's reactions from family members which told me "If you cry, you're bad. If you cry, I won't love you." Translation: When you cry, I feel uncomfortable. When you cry, it brings up my pain. At this insight my heart felt compassion; no not "I feel sorry for"...it was "My heart understands". My heart understands that this is generation to generation to generation to generation to generation until we have become a planet of closed hearts. I am sure that I did this to my own children and for that I am deeply sorry. I ask you to forgive me my Babies.

Sooooooo, looks like I'm gonna be a "Cry Baby" for awhile; at least I hope so. My intention is to be that open hearted child again.  And, guess what?  I'm not going to go to my room this time.

Beloved I AM

You are the flame in my heart

You light my way in the dark

I AM blessed. I AM grateful.

Change, Change, Change

I've lost track of the number of days since these writings began. It's been a few days since I've blogged my writings, though I have continued meditating and writing down messages from my Self, as well as a heck of a lot of energy movement and clearing. This Solar Eclipse and New Moon energies definitely did a job on and through me.

I seem to be back to center physically and spiritually I am different. I can't say how exactly. Third eye and crown centers are more open and I feel as well as see more vivid colors (purples, pinks, greens, golds, and lots of white light) and geometric patterns.

Yesterday, during a nap, I had a dream of being carried (with my books and journal) by a very handsome man with a French accent to a square vehicle for a very fast ride (as passengers and no sign of a driver) with strange scenery flying by. I was not afraid - more like amazed and observant. I asked my I AM Presence for a translation of the dream and got..."Trust in safety. Open to new experience. You have the knowledge and you are doing the work for fast transformation. Spirit is riding with you."

I've had other challenges over the past few weeks and have made some changes that in the past would have knocked me off center. The changes were needed and I knew it so the decisions were rather easy. I admit that for the first few days afterwards the ego messed with me ("What are you doing???"). I KNOW I AM a power much greater than I believe I AM. I Know that my ego is losing its power very quickly. Even though I don't understand it and even though I can't analyze it, I am going to trust in ME - a power that is greater than I Know. In trusting that I send forth that Power in the form of unconditional love to every thought form and manifestation that it be made Perfect in the Divine Plan for the enlightenment of the world.

So Be It. And, So It IS.

Brenda

Light My Fire

Yes, I know, the last post was pretty intense but what can I say? NOW things have settled down and energy/light is flowing once again. Does that mean it's over? No, I don't believe that. My experience in times such as these is that the chaos energy pushes and pushes everything to be released to the top and then (sigh) comes peace. I am reminded and I see that we really are never given more than we can handle.

Meditation and energy work this morning created huge heart opening complete with tears, my body shaking/releasing and dna helix visions.

I am finally feeling as if I can do more than just get through the day and night. This, of course, is not the time to rest on my laurels. Yes, I'll allow things to settle in and I ask that the voids created be filled with my Mighty I AM Presence.

I'm feeling transformed. I'm feeling more on the way. I am willing. I am willing. I am willing.

And, So It IS,
Brenda

Jose Feliciano - "Light My Fire" (1967)

Chaos and Crisis

New layers of un-consciousness want to be seen and released. They've been working their way to this place for over a week now - building and building. Wow, this IS happening.

I am willing. I am willing. I am willing.

I am in some sort of 'dark night'. I can sleep for 2-3 hours only and am eating very little.

It wants to be released. I WANT it released. It's stuck and has been there a longgggg time. It's deep and old; lifetimes old.

The energies here now are drawing darkness to the surface. This, for me, is very similar to the years of 2002 - 2006. Relentless and overwhelming. Am I crazy? I thought I was through with this. Blah, blah, blah and around again. If feels as if aliens are in my body, pulling every which way. Once again, I can kick and scream and Why ME? I settle my self down for a bit and here it comes sneaking in again. I KNOW I can't control this; that I must surrender and trust.

Where did my intuition go? I've lost direction. I re-connect and I feel that connection. Before I know it I'm disoriented again. YIKES!

It is said that the Universe was created out of chaos. I do know that new beginnings have always seemed to follow times of crisis. I KNOW that in past times surrender and trust were the answer; the only answer. I will get through this but it is intense. There's a war going on in here and it's called Fear. This is the World Cup of Fear.

Brenda