New layers of un-consciousness want to be seen and released. They've been working their way to this place for over a week now - building and building. Wow, this IS happening.
I am willing. I am willing. I am willing.
I am in some sort of 'dark night'. I can sleep for 2-3 hours only and am eating very little.
It wants to be released. I WANT it released. It's stuck and has been there a longgggg time. It's deep and old; lifetimes old.
The energies here now are drawing darkness to the surface. This, for me, is very similar to the years of 2002 - 2006. Relentless and overwhelming. Am I crazy? I thought I was through with this. Blah, blah, blah and around again. If feels as if aliens are in my body, pulling every which way. Once again, I can kick and scream and Why ME? I settle my self down for a bit and here it comes sneaking in again. I KNOW I can't control this; that I must surrender and trust.
Where did my intuition go? I've lost direction. I re-connect and I feel that connection. Before I know it I'm disoriented again. YIKES!
It is said that the Universe was created out of chaos. I do know that new beginnings have always seemed to follow times of crisis. I KNOW that in past times surrender and trust were the answer; the only answer. I will get through this but it is intense. There's a war going on in here and it's called Fear. This is the World Cup of Fear.
Brenda
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Do You Feel It?
Woke to "It's the Climb"
This has been a heck of a week for me energetically. Sunday is the Solar Eclipse. I always feel these planetary build ups. I am not always knowing that they are related to the energies working their way through me. Today I KNOW it. It is a challenge to stay present and surrendered. Aspects of my self are screaming (I don't want to be here!) and are calmed and released by I AM even if only momentarily. I (i) cannot control. I am once again not knowing who I am. Some say this is a good thing and I believe that to be true. It comes on me as an aha..."I don't know who I am anymore." Aspects of self are afraid of this. Other aspects are peaceful about it. I breathe and release the conflict.
My intention is to keep walking forward feet planted deeply. This is like child birth. There is no going back. It's all in there and it wants out. I AM assisting with every breath.
Keep climbing,
Brenda
This has been a heck of a week for me energetically. Sunday is the Solar Eclipse. I always feel these planetary build ups. I am not always knowing that they are related to the energies working their way through me. Today I KNOW it. It is a challenge to stay present and surrendered. Aspects of my self are screaming (I don't want to be here!) and are calmed and released by I AM even if only momentarily. I (i) cannot control. I am once again not knowing who I am. Some say this is a good thing and I believe that to be true. It comes on me as an aha..."I don't know who I am anymore." Aspects of self are afraid of this. Other aspects are peaceful about it. I breathe and release the conflict.
My intention is to keep walking forward feet planted deeply. This is like child birth. There is no going back. It's all in there and it wants out. I AM assisting with every breath.
Keep climbing,
Brenda
Thursday, July 8, 2010
I Have Been IN It
This week began with being tired. VERY tired. As the week has progressed, I have been tired, headachey with flu-like symptoms, and feeling of being ungrounded. Nothing to do for it but Trust and Surrender, knowing that this too shall pass. Knowing that there are levels of my consciousness that are doing their thing which effects my physical body, mind and spirit.
Let's hop on over to "perspective".
I can see this as Ok, I feel like crap and I want to get rid of it NOW! Or, I can see this as Ok, it's all good, just another level of healing that will pass if I Trust and Surrender to what IS.
So, although I did momentarily, from time to time over these past few days, go to the "crap" perspective I immediately went to Trust and Surrender. I pray each morning and gave thanks for the good stuff because I AM the good stuff. I am reminded of others who are going through the very same things but don't know what the heck is happening to them and I feel blessed - even momentarily.
If I look in my rear view mirror, I see that in years past this kind of energy would have had me in a panic wanting "IT" OUT. I am pleased with my self that I Now recognize these energies for what they are; a big letting go of energy no longer supported at my current vibration. It's just energy, I tell my self. Relax. Trust. Surrender.
Today I feel better after 3 solid days of not feeling so hot. I had many dreams and download talk during sleep time last night. Not so during previous nights this week. It's all connected in this build up and then a smooth flow comes in again.
Brenda
Let's hop on over to "perspective".
I can see this as Ok, I feel like crap and I want to get rid of it NOW! Or, I can see this as Ok, it's all good, just another level of healing that will pass if I Trust and Surrender to what IS.
So, although I did momentarily, from time to time over these past few days, go to the "crap" perspective I immediately went to Trust and Surrender. I pray each morning and gave thanks for the good stuff because I AM the good stuff. I am reminded of others who are going through the very same things but don't know what the heck is happening to them and I feel blessed - even momentarily.
If I look in my rear view mirror, I see that in years past this kind of energy would have had me in a panic wanting "IT" OUT. I am pleased with my self that I Now recognize these energies for what they are; a big letting go of energy no longer supported at my current vibration. It's just energy, I tell my self. Relax. Trust. Surrender.
Today I feel better after 3 solid days of not feeling so hot. I had many dreams and download talk during sleep time last night. Not so during previous nights this week. It's all connected in this build up and then a smooth flow comes in again.
Brenda
Monday, July 5, 2010
Awareness of Awareness
Writing Down My Soul, Day 16
Body of Consciousness, Day 13
My body is tired today.
I had lovely guests for lunch yesterday to help me celebrate July 4th. I intended to stay aware of myself during the visit. Most of the time I was that director behind the camera watching. I did pretty well with it. I reviewed the experience after all had gone and saw where additional detachment is needed on my part.
What does that mean? Noticing. Noticing triggers. Noticing judgments and how the ego tries to jump in there in my head in the old, habitual way. I experienced standing back and watching on one level, while feeling and thinking on another level. Jeesh, no wonder, I get confused (but less so, with this practice). So much going on. But it's really cool to be over here and over here and over there; all in the same place. Somehow I feel and know this is all coming together to be ME; the REAL me.
Today, I rest, balance, acclimate.
Brenda
Body of Consciousness, Day 13
My body is tired today.
I had lovely guests for lunch yesterday to help me celebrate July 4th. I intended to stay aware of myself during the visit. Most of the time I was that director behind the camera watching. I did pretty well with it. I reviewed the experience after all had gone and saw where additional detachment is needed on my part.
What does that mean? Noticing. Noticing triggers. Noticing judgments and how the ego tries to jump in there in my head in the old, habitual way. I experienced standing back and watching on one level, while feeling and thinking on another level. Jeesh, no wonder, I get confused (but less so, with this practice). So much going on. But it's really cool to be over here and over here and over there; all in the same place. Somehow I feel and know this is all coming together to be ME; the REAL me.
Today, I rest, balance, acclimate.
Brenda
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Writing Down My Soul, Day 14
Body of Consciousness, Day 11
The cake is baking.
Oh, really? Chocolate, angel food, coconut? Cute.
I am behind the camera. Directing. Aware of awareness.
I'm feeling some fear around THAT statement. Feels pretty big. Better breathe.
cliches
'Flow' has become cliche. Often said but lost meaning because of over use. Cliche has truth. Flow has truth. Individual truth, historic and mass consciousness truth.
I feel an 'aha' here regards to perspective. Somehow I'm being led back to 'perspectives" from earlier in the week.
Body of Consciousness, Day 11
The cake is baking.
Oh, really? Chocolate, angel food, coconut? Cute.
I am behind the camera. Directing. Aware of awareness.
I'm feeling some fear around THAT statement. Feels pretty big. Better breathe.
cliches
'Flow' has become cliche. Often said but lost meaning because of over use. Cliche has truth. Flow has truth. Individual truth, historic and mass consciousness truth.
I feel an 'aha' here regards to perspective. Somehow I'm being led back to 'perspectives" from earlier in the week.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Mockingbird
Writing Down My Soul, Days 12 & 13
Body of Consciousness, Days 9 & 10
Here are my notes from yesterday and today.
Awoke 3:45ish. My absolute favorite time of the day on Planet Earth. So much silence that I hear and feel movement.
Did you know that mockingbirds are awake and singing at night? (Well, early morning anyway.) I don't recall having experienced mockingbirds before this year. This is the second time this year. I'll check out the "totem" qualities and find out how (or, if?) mockingbird is playing out for me right now. I just don't believe in coincidences.
Mockingbird Lesson
The song of the mockingbird is, in fact, a medley of the calls of many other birds. Each imitation is repeated two or three times, then another song is started, all in rapid succession. As totem, mockingbird teaches the power of song and voice. It can also help find your “sacred song” or your life’s purpose. Your inner song is never lost. Mockingbird helps flush out people and events, allowing you to see who and what they are. You hear the true song of others. Mockingbird sings of harmony, creative imagination and intuition. Mockingbird is a very cool bird.
The weather this day in Tiburon will be glorious. No fog coming through the Golden Gate is a very good sign. I'm looking forward to lunch with an old school chum and appreciating friendship.
Many 'snippets' of thought are racing around in my head this morning. Slow down, I tell my self as I ask for message of Highest Good. Messages today are in the form of color, body energy (heart and head dizziness) and peace. I am blessed. I am blessed. I am blessed.
7/2/10
You're just going to have to write the blog today. There's too much for me to digest right now.
Back of the brain and crown/3rd eye activity.
"Opening occurred. AAA = absorb, acclimate, allow.
That's all she wrote folks!
Brenda
Body of Consciousness, Days 9 & 10
Here are my notes from yesterday and today.
Awoke 3:45ish. My absolute favorite time of the day on Planet Earth. So much silence that I hear and feel movement.
Did you know that mockingbirds are awake and singing at night? (Well, early morning anyway.) I don't recall having experienced mockingbirds before this year. This is the second time this year. I'll check out the "totem" qualities and find out how (or, if?) mockingbird is playing out for me right now. I just don't believe in coincidences.
Mockingbird Lesson
The song of the mockingbird is, in fact, a medley of the calls of many other birds. Each imitation is repeated two or three times, then another song is started, all in rapid succession. As totem, mockingbird teaches the power of song and voice. It can also help find your “sacred song” or your life’s purpose. Your inner song is never lost. Mockingbird helps flush out people and events, allowing you to see who and what they are. You hear the true song of others. Mockingbird sings of harmony, creative imagination and intuition. Mockingbird is a very cool bird.
The weather this day in Tiburon will be glorious. No fog coming through the Golden Gate is a very good sign. I'm looking forward to lunch with an old school chum and appreciating friendship.
Many 'snippets' of thought are racing around in my head this morning. Slow down, I tell my self as I ask for message of Highest Good. Messages today are in the form of color, body energy (heart and head dizziness) and peace. I am blessed. I am blessed. I am blessed.
7/2/10
You're just going to have to write the blog today. There's too much for me to digest right now.
Back of the brain and crown/3rd eye activity.
"Opening occurred. AAA = absorb, acclimate, allow.
That's all she wrote folks!
Brenda
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)